Wives and Husbands

EPHESIANS 5:22-33

WE HAVE COME TO END OF CHAPTER 5 IN OUR VERSE-BY-VERSE STUDY OF the great book of Ephesians: God’s Word for this week’s blog is vv. 22-33 of Ephesians 5…

NAS Ephesians 5:22-33 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23  For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. 24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her; 26 that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she should be holy and blameless. 28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30 because we are members of His body. 31 For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh. 32 This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each individual among you also love his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see to it that she respect her husband.

WHAT AN INCREDIBLE PASSAGE THAT IS: God’s Word on marriage. As I studied these words this week I could not get away from that fact. This is God’s Word and God’s will – not man’s word and man’s will – on how marriage should be.

“LIFE IS MADE MEANINGFUL BY RELATIONSHIPS, the most meaningful of which is that between a man and a woman. In 1 Peter 3:7, the apostle Peter calls the husband-wife relationship ‘the grace of life.’” – MacArthur

NAS 1 Peter 3:7 You husbands likewise, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman; and grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

I WONDER JUST HOW MANY MARRIED COUPLES THINK OF THEIR MARRIAGE relationship as “the grace of life.” A marriage that continually gets better, richer, and more satisfying is rare today, as most of us well know.

“FROM MANY VOICES TODAY COMES THE CLAIM THAT the very institution of marriage has failed to meet people’s needs. But the fact is that it is not a matter of marriage having failed, since marriage, as we can easily see today in our ‘sophisticated’ culture, has been increasingly avoided. Now, as you well know, it is acceptable to live together in place of marriage. Today, in place of exerting consistent effort and determination to fulfill the commitment it takes to make one’s marriage work, the solution is to bail out.” – MacArthur/TAR

TODAY WE SEE SIGNS ADVERTISING FAST DIVORCES, “QUICKY DIVORCES.” It is common to hear in our society today people say, “We tried, but it just didn’t work out. “Commitment” has become a word that is considered old-fashioned and impractical today.

“IN HIS BOOK Becoming Partners: Marriage and its Alternatives, Dr. Carl Rogers writes from the view of a humanistic unbeliever, ‘To me it seems we are living in an important and uncertain age, and the institution of marriage is most assuredly in an uncertain state. If 50-75 percent of Ford or General Motors cars completely fell apart within the early part of their lifetimes as automobiles, drastic steps would be taken. We have no such well-organized way of dealing with our social institutions, so people are groping, more or less blindly, to find alternatives to marriage, which by all accounts is certainly less than 50 percent successful. Living together without marriage, extensive childcare centers, serial monogamy (one divorce after another), the women’s liberation movement to establish the woman as person in her own right, divorce laws that do away with the concept of guilt – these are all gropings toward some new form of man-woman relations for the future.’” – MacArthur

WE HAVE 12 VERSES TO COVER TODAY. These 12 verses constitute the context of the “Wives and Husbands” relationship and should be taken as a whole. We will take these 12 verses 3 verses at a time, with v. 33 being singled out as the summary verse. First, vv. 22-24. These verses deal with “The Role and Priorities of the Wife” (MacArthur’s title for this section of the passage)…

NAS Ephesians 5:22-24 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. 24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.

I’D LIKE TO REMIND YOU HOW PAUL FINISHED THE PREVIOUS PASSAGE, our blog from last week on “Filled by the Spirit.” In v. 21, Paul wrote…

NAS  Ephesians 5:21 and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.

I TOLD YOU LAST WEEK THAT V. 21 NOT ONLY ENDS THE PASSAGE on filling but sets the tone for the following passages, going through 6:9. Whereas the mindset today, orchestrated by the women’s liberation movement and the media, is selfish individualism, mutual submission is the message of the Bible.

I MUST TELL YOU THAT THE WORD “SUBMIT” DOES NOT APPEAR IN V. 22 in the Greek text (the Critical Text, the family of ancient texts from which we get all our modern English translations but two) most valued today by Greek scholars (it does, however, appear in the Majority Text  from which we get the King James and the New King James texts). There is not a main verb in v. 22, something that usually occurs in the both groupings of Greek texts. However, the word “submit” is most definitely found in v. 21 and may be said to be the controlling thought of what follows. Note that the word is present – it is not italicized – in v. 24. So, even though the word is not found in v. 22 it is legitimate to insert the italicized word. The bottom line is there is no question that whichever ancient or modern text one prioritizes, this is Paul’s thought.

NOTE ALSO THE LITTLE WORD “FOR” IN V. 23. This little word, which could also be translated “because,” gives us the reason for the wives’ submission. “Headship implies authority. A home without direction is chaotic just as a nation without a ruler or an army without a commander. According to the Scriptures, the husband’s task is being the wife’s head and thus the family’s head just as Christ is the head and has authority over the church.” – Garner…

LISTEN AGAIN TO EPHESIANS 1:22…

NAS Ephesians 1:22 And He put all things in subjection under His feet, and gave Him as head over all things to the church,

AND EPHESIANS 4:15…

NAS Ephesians 4:15 but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him, who is the head, even Christ, CHRIST IS THE HEAD OF CHURCH; LIKEWISE THE HUSBAND IS TO BE HEAD of the family.

WHILE THAT IS TRUE, IT IS ALSO IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER a crucial difference between Christ’s headship and that of the husband…

“CHRIST IS LORD OVER ALL THINGS; THE HUSBAND IS NOT LORD of anything. “Christ is Lord over all things; the husband is not lord of anything. The point of the headship analogy is the responsibility husbands have to give themselves to their wives as Christ gave Himself for the church. Husbands are to be givers, not takers.” – Snodgrass

AT THE RISK OF OVER-STAYING MY WELCOME, I invite you to read thoughtfully verses 22-24 again…

KEEPING IN MIND THIS IS THE WORD OF ALMIGHTY AND ALL-LOVING GOD…

NAS Ephesians 5:22-24 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. 24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.

THAT IS AN INCREDIBLY CONVICTING PASSAGE FOR HUSBANDS, IS IT NOT? Whenever this passage is considered, it is the subject of the wives and her submission that always takes precedence, but when the passage is more carefully considered, one cannot escape the tremendous responsibility it places upon the husband. What an incredibly convicting passage this is for husbands!

AND THE FOLLOWING QUOTE FROM A COMMENTARY IS ALSO, I THINK, exceptionally self-condemning for us all – wives and husbands – to consider…

“THE GREAT PARADOX OF THE CHRISTIAN LIFE IS that the more we focus on fulfilling ourselves, the emptier we become. That is a fundamental (but widely ignored!) law of life. That is why so many people in our society are asking the wrong question: ‘How can I get what I want so I can be fulfilled?’ People who get what they want usually find that it doesn’t fulfill as they thought it would. It is only when we forget ourselves and devote ourselves to the fulfillment of others that we find our own hearts brimming with grace, peace, and satisfaction.” – Steadman

BEING SUBMISSIVE IS NOT JUST MEANT FOR WIVES; it is meant for husbands as well, and for all of us. “The key to resolving conflict in the body of Jesus Christ is to ‘submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.’” – Steadman

“WHAT IS SAID TO WIVES (AND HUSBANDS) IS ONLY AN EXAMPLE OF THE LOVE and mutual submission required of all Christians.” – Snodgrass

“’SUBMIT’ IS SURELY A WORD THAT RAISES THE HACKLES OF MANY in our times, especially in this era of feminist politics. It sounds to the modern ear as if Paul is telling women, ‘Stay in you subservient place. Accept your inferiority. You must be resolved to your role as slave to your master-husband.’ That is not at all the thought that Paul had in mind. A more accurate sense of the word submit would be to ‘voluntarily place yourself under the authority of’ or ‘willingly adapt and adjust yourself to the authority of.’ The apostle is saying to the wife, in effect, ‘Adapt yourself to you own husband, adjust to him.’” – Steadman

(Incidentally, do you know what a “hackle” is? A hackle is a long slender feather on the neck or lower back of a male bird, especially a domestic fowl. Hackles are hairs or spikes.)

NOW THAT WAS A QUOTE I JUST READ BEFORE… I would respectfully point out that the Greek word for “submit” (ὑποτάσσω [hoo-pa-ta-so]) does mean submit: 1. to cause to be in a submissive relationship, to subject, to subordinate [BDAG]

“WHAT PAUL HAS IN MIND IS THAT CHRISTIANS REJECT SELF-CENTEREDNESS and work for the good of others. Submission maybe said to be nothing more than a decision about the relative worth of others. With mutual submission, we give up our rights and support each other. Mutual submission is love in action.” – Snodgrass…

IN VV. 25-27, THE NEXT 3 VERSES, WE HAVE “THE ROLE AND PRIORITIES OF the Husband”… Actually, this title, “The Role and Priorities of the Husband,” extends through the entire rest of the passage. I think that is a significant fact to point out, given our cultures emphasis on the woman in the wives-husbands relationship…

NAS Ephesians 5:25-27 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her; 26 that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she should be holy and blameless.

AGAIN, WHAT A CONVICTING PASSAGE FOR HUSBANDS…

“THE REAL HEAD OF THE MARRIAGE IS ALWAYS CHRIST. Both partners are to live in mutual submission to each other, seek to promote each other within the purposes of Christ, and live out the oneness of their relationship.” – Snodgrass

WHEN PROPERLY UNDERSTOOD, THIS PROMINENT RELATIONSHIP TO CHRIST and mutual submission to one another virtually eliminates divorce.

CONTINUING “THE ROLE AND PRIORITIES OF THE HUSBAND,” vv. 28-30 go on to describe the godly and moral life of the believer who is filled with the Holy Spirit and who is mutually submissive in the fear of Christ.

“AS PAUL HAS ALREADY MADE CLEAR IN VV. 22-24, GOD HAS ORDAINED the husband to be head over the wife. But the emphasis of the rest of chapter 5 is not on the husband’s authority but on his duty to submit to his wife through his love for her. In the remaining verses of the chapter we have the manner and motive of that love.” – MacArthur…

NAS Ephesians 5:28-30 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30  because we are members of His body.

THE WORD “SO” OR “IN THE SAME WAY,” AS SOME BIBLES READ, SEEMS TO point back to v.25 where Paul wrote “just as also,” referring to Christ’s love for the church. Just as Christ loved the church, so or in the same way husbands should love their wives. Wow! It doesn’t get any heavier than that!

IT IS WELL TO NOTE THAT THIS MANDATE TO HUSBANDS IS UNCONDITIONAL. “Husbands are commanded to love their wives unconditionally, not only if the wives are submissive. Rather, husbands are to love their wives in obedience to the Lord and because of the unforgettable example of Christ’s love.  It is not the duty of the wife to tell her husband to love her. It is the husband’s duty to the Lord to love her.” – Hoehner

“JUST AS IT IS NATURAL FOR A MAN NOT TO HATE HIS OWN BODY BUT to take care of it, so Christ takes care of and nurtures His body – the church. The phrase ‘because we are members of His body’ states the reason the living Christ gives tender care and nurture to His church.” –Garland

I’M SURE THE POINT OF THIS WRITING HAS ALREADY OCCURRED TO YOU BUT, I think it is obvious that this passage from Ephesians 5 is not just for “Wives and Husbands” but for all Christians. Christ tenderly cares and nurtures us all.

NAS Ephesians 5:31-32 For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh. 32 This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.

IN V. 31, PAUL IS QUOTING GENESIS 2:23…

NAS Genesis 2:23 And the man said, “This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.”

“MAN WAS CREATED FIRST AND GIVEN HEADSHIP OVER THE WOMAN and over all of creation. But their original relationship before the Fall was so pure and perfect that his headship over her was really a manifestation of his consuming love for her, and her submission to him was in turn a manifestation of her consuming love for him. No selfishness or self-will marred their relationship. Each lived for the other in perfect fulfillment of their created purpose and under God’s perfect provision and care.” – MacArthur…

VERSE 32 IS DIFFICULT TO INTERPRET WITH CERTAINTY, BUT I believe this is the best option. The “mystery” refers to the spiritual relationship of Christ and the church. Therefore, v. 32 is right in the flow of the context. “The husband’s role as head of his wife and his duty to give sacrificial love and devoted care to this wife are pictures of Christ as Head of His church and of His loving self-sacrifice on the cross for the church. Furthermore, the wife’s submission to her husband as a way of serving Christ is a picture of how the church is to live in its relationship to the One who is its Savior.” – Garner

INTERPRETED THIS WAY, V. 32 IS EXQUISITE, WOULD YOU NOT AGREE? VERSE 33 MAY BE SEEN AS THE SUMMARY TO OUR PASSAGE…

NAS Ephesians 5:33 Nevertheless let each individual among you also love his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see to it that she respect her husband.

“NEVERTHELESS” (πλήν [plain] INDICATES A RETURN FROM THE ANALOGY OF Christ and His church to the main subject of the discussion, marriage.

“EACH INDIVIDUAL” INDIVIDUALIZES THE COMMAND… “No married person is exempt from his or her responsibility regarding marital roles.” – Garner

THIS IS GOD’S WORD AND GOD’S WILL FOR MARRIAGE. But because mankind throughout history – not just in our current society – is rebellious to God, we have what we have today: broken relationships. It is my prayer that we all, in our own ways as this passage impacts our lives, benefit greatly from God’s Word and God’s will.

BECAUSE OF CHRIST’S COMMANDS REGARDING MARRIAGE AND BECAUSE His relationship to the church is the analogy used for marriage, “The Christian home must be seen as a sacred institution. It reflects the relationship of the living Christ with His people. Husbands and wives are to conduct themselves according to the Bible’s teachings. They are to relate to their spouses on the basis of their own relationship with Jesus. Because of this, there can be no more intimate relationship.” – Garner/TAR…

MUTUAL SUBMISSION IS LOVE IN ACTION….

– Professor Thomas A. Rohm