Children and Parents

EPHESIANS 6:1-4

WE HAVE COMPLETED THE FIRST FIVE CHAPTERS of Paul’s letter to the Ephesians, so today we will be looking at the opening verses of chapter six, the last chapter…

NAS Ephesians 6:1-4 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise), 3 that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth. 4 And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

I HAVE TITLED THIS BLOG “CHILDREN AND PARENTS.” You may remember that the previous passage in Ephesians, 5:22-33, was entitled, “Wives and Husbands.” Therefore, the subject matter of our passage this week is fitting.

I WANT TO EMPHASIZE THAT THESE WORDS FROM VV. 1-4 DO NOT COME FROM modern, secular psychology, worldly anthropology, or the latest liberal study on the education of children, but from Scripture. This is the Word of God on the relationship of “Children and Parents”…

“PAUL TAUGHT THE BELIEVERS AT EPHESUS (modern Turkey) to give careful attention to how they lived. They were not to live unwisely but rather wisely because the times were full of evil. They must live carefully. The believers must know God’s will and live in that will. God’s will was that Christians allow the Holy Spirit to control their lives. One evidence of the Holy Spirit’s control was that believers would submit ‘to one another in the fear of Christ.’” – Garner

NAS Ephesians 5:21 and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.

SUBMISSION IS A BIG TOPIC IN THIS SECTION OF EPHESIANS.

AS WE LEARNED IN OUR PREVIOUS MESSAGE ON “WIVES AND HUSBANDS,” Paul wanted a general submissiveness to prevail among the families in the Ephesian church. The apostle first addressed the relationship between husbands and wives. Paul then continued to explain how letting the Holy Spirit control one’s life impacts relationships between children and parents as well as between slaves and masters.” – Garner

NEXT WEEK’S BLOG WILL BE TITLED JUST THAT: “Slaves and Masters.”

“BIBLICAL SUBMISSION IS ALWAYS TO BE A TWO-WAY STREET. The Word of God never says to one party only, ‘Submit.’ Submission is always to be mutual among God’s people.” – Steadman/TAR

THE COMMON SENSE OF THIS PASSAGE IS REMARKABLE! It is remarkable mainly because common sense sadly is too often not a prevailing factor in our society today, as most I think would agree.

THE GREEK WORD FOR “OBEY” (ὑπακούω [hoo-pa-koo-o]) means to follow instruction, to follow, and to be subject to.

“OBEDIENCE IS A CRUCIALLY IMPORTANT MATTER IN SCRIPTURE, as you should know, especially though not exclusively in the O.T. All through the Word of God you find exhortations to parents to teach their children to be obedient, and exhortations for children to be responsive to that teaching and obey their parents. In Scripture, a child must learn the most important lesson of all: to be an obedient, respectful child.” – Steadman/TAR

CONSIDER THOSE WORDS IN CONTRAST TO OUR SOCIETY TODAY. Further comment is, I think, hardly necessary. Just compare children in movies and on TV today. They are invariably smart alecks who always have the upper hand on their parents. Respect for parents, much less obedience to parents, is almost never seen.

MOST COMMENTATORS BELIEVE THAT PAUL’S WORDS SPRING FROM EXODUS 20:12 (in the LXX; Deut 5:16 is also a possibility)…

NAS Exodus 20:12 “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the LORD your God gives you.

BUT I THINK IT IS WRONG TO FOCUS ON JUST ONE O.T. VERSE for the source of Paul’s exhortations to the Ephesians. I think it is more accurate to keep in mind that Paul’s words reflect a general truth found often and stressed often in the O.T. For example, consider these few selected passages form the O.T. that speak directly and indirectly to the prominent point of obedience of children to their parents…

NAS Leviticus 19:3 ‘Every one of you shall reverence his mother and his father, and you shall keep My sabbaths; I am the LORD your God.

NAS Deuteronomy 21:18-21 “If any man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey his father or his mother, and when they chastise him, he will not even listen to them, 19 then his father and mother shall seize him, and bring him out to the elders of his city at the gateway of his home town. 20 “And they shall say to the elders of his city, ‘This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey us, he is a glutton and a drunkard.’ 21 “Then all the men of his city shall stone him to death; so you shall remove the evil from your midst, and all Israel shall hear of it and fear.

NAS Exodus 21:15 “And he who strikes his father or his mother shall surely be put to death.

NAS Exodus 21:17 “And he who curses his father or his mother shall surely be put to death.

NAS Proverbs 1:8 Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, And do not forsake your mother’s teaching;

NAS Proverbs 5:1 My son, give attention to my wisdom, Incline your ear to my understanding; rebuke.

NAS Proverbs 13:24 He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him diligently.

THERE IS NO QUESTION THAT PAUL IS MERELY REFLECTING GOD’S WILL for children and parents as repeatedly spelled out in the O.T.

BACK TO EPHESIANS 6:1…

“NOTICE CAREFULLY THAT THIS IS NOT A SIMPLE EXHORTATION FOR children to obey their parents. It goes a step further. The text reads, ‘Children, obey your parents in the Lord.’ Just as wives are to submit to their husbands as unto the Lord, and just as husbands are to love their wives after the example of the Lord, so it is with children: They are to obey their parents for Jesus’ sake.” – Steadman/TAR

“THE PHRASE ‘IN THE LORD’ DOES NOT MEAN THAT children are to obey parents only if their parents are believers. As Colossians 3:20 clearly denotes, a child’s obedience to his parents is pleasing in the Lord’s sight.” – Hoehner (B.K.C.)

NAS Colossians 3:20 Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord.

ONE OBSERVATION I WOULD MAKE: Although I believe it may be convincingly shown that Paul – and Scripture in general – has in mind in such passages younger children, it is nevertheless true that there are no conditions placed upon the command. Commands in the Bible are not conditional, not to be applied in certain situations and dismissed in others. God’s commands are all- encompassing, unconditional. I believe the Bible strongly implies that these commands to children to obey and honor their parents extend throughout the lives of both.

NOTE FINALLY IN V. 1 THE WORDS, “FOR THIS IS RIGHT”… “The reason for this is that it is ‘right.’ It is a proper course of action to follow in society.” – Hoehner (B.K.C.). The obedience of children to their parents strengthens society, just as the disobedience of children to their parents inevitably weakens society.

BUT I THINK MAYBE THE SIMPLEST, MOST DIRECT INTERPRETATION OF these words is that Paul is saying that obedience produces positive results. “If children obey their parents, everything will turn out right. If they refuse to do so, everything will go wrong, because disobedience to parents violates one of the fundamental laws of living.” – Steadman…

CONSIDER AGAIN EXODUS 20:12…

NAS Exodus 20:12 “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the LORD your God gives you.

AND THAT IS ALMOST EXACTLY WHAT PAUL SAYS IN EPHESIANS 6:2-3 as he quotes from this familiar O.T. passage… promise), that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth.

“GLAD, WILLING, SINCERE OBEDIENCE, WITH AN ATTITUDE OF HONOR AND respect, creates the conditions that tend to produce a long, healthy, happy life. Obedient children tend to live constructively and productively, and they are less likely to fall prey to self-destructive temptations and snares, such as alcoholism, drug abuse, juvenile crime, laziness, poverty, and other forms of foolishness and rebellion.” – Steadman/TAR

“HONOR” IS THE GREEK WORD τιμάω (ti-ma-o). It means to show high regard for, honor, revere [BDAG]. An English word we would say is prominent in the definitive of honor is the word respect. Respect includes the idea of admiration, the state of being admired deferentially. Another word I would include in defining honor and respect is thoughtfulness, being considerate of the person to whom respect is due.

OF ALL THE NEGATIVE OBSERVATIONS I HAVE MADE OF OUR CURRENT CULTURE in previous blogs, I would place near or at the top of the list the sad fact that many of today’s youth show little or no respect, thoughtfulness, consideration of the older generation. As in so many other areas of our culture, God’s Word is unknown and unheeded.

THE O.T. MAKES IT CLEAR THAT TO OBEY ONE’S PARENTS IS TO HONOR them. “Conversely, to disobey them is to dishonor them.” – Hoehner…

“IT IS INTERESTING TO NOTE THAT HONOR/OBEDIENCE AND dishonor/disobedience include both father and mother and not just the father, the head of the hierarchal family. The mother was equal to the father and had full claim on the obedience of the children.” – Hoehner… You surely noticed this fact in the O.T. verses noted earlier. Here are a couple more that illustrate the equality of the mother to the father in these important matters regarding their relationship to their children…

NAS Proverbs 6:20 My son, observe the commandment of your father, And do not forsake the teaching of your mother;

NAS Deuteronomy 27:16 ‘Cursed is he who dishonors his father or mother.’ And all the people shall say, ‘Amen.’

SOMETHING THAT IS SADLY SO OFTEN MINIMALIZED OR EVEN OVERLOOKED is the central fact that “a child’s honor and obedience to the parents is the first most important step in learning to honor and obey God.” – Hoehner

BUT TRUE AS ALL THIS IS, IT IS ALSO CLEAR THAT ULTIMATELY IT IS the father whom Paul addresses as the one who must take responsibility for raising his children…

NAS Ephesians 6:4 And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

IN COLOSSIANS 3:21, A PARALLEL PASSAGE TO EPHESIANS 6:4, PAUL SAYS…

THE NKJV READS…

NKJ Colossians 3:21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

I MUST POINT OUT, HOWEVER, THAT THERE ARE THOSE WHO BELIEVE THAT the plural word “fathers” (οἱ πατέρες [hoi pa-tere-es]) here has reference to both the male and female parents and should actually be translated “parents” (cf. NET notes)…

WHETHER THAT IS TRUE OR NOT, “Interestingly, although children are commanded to obey both parents in v. 1 and honor both father and mother in v. 2, only the fathers are addressed here (and I would prefer to stick with what the Scripture actually says – TAR). Yes, it could be that both the father and mother are in view, but in light of hierarchal structures in the Bible it is the father who is responsible for his whole family. Although it was common for primitive societies to be matriarchal, that is, lineage was traced through the mother, Israel followed the patriarchal structure with the father having absolute control over his children, even over his married sons and their wives if they lived with them, which they usually did.” – Hoehner/TAR…

NOTE THAT IN PAUL’S INSTRUCTION TO THE FATHERS HE INCLUDES A CAUTION. He instructs them not to provoke their children to anger, and then he tells them how to avoid doing this: “but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

“AS FATHERS – AND MAYBE MOTHERS – REAR THEIR CHILDREN, THEY MUST not neglect the spiritual aspects of their education. All of their dealings with their children should be in accord with the Lord’s standards as revealed in Scripture.” – Kent…

PARENTS ARE TO DISCIPLINE AND INSTRUCT THEIR CHILDREN IN THE POWER of the Holy Spirit. I think it stands to reason that the more Christlike the parents, the easier will be their job in disciplining and instructing their children, and the less likely they will provoke their children to anger.

THIS MAY BE SEEN, I BELIEVE, AS “A WARNING against the sort of iron-handed discipline that eventually breaks the spirit of a child. In the ancient world fathers had absolute control and were sometimes harsh. Unjust demands, unreasonable severity, and unremitting criticism produce bitterness instead of training. That, of course, is not to say that permissiveness is what Paul enjoins.” – Kent/Snodgrass

THE TWO GREEK WORDS USED HERE FOR “DISCIPLINE” (παιδεία [pai-dee-a]) AND “instruction” (νουθεσία [nou-thee-see-a]) are very difficult to distinguish with certainty. “Some commentators think that the first word refers to education that emphasizes activity and discipline, and the second word refers to education that emphasizes the verbal aspect, whether it be encouragement or reproof. This is likely a good distinction.” – Hoehner

“DISCIPLINE” PROBABLY “IMPLIES TRAINING IN PROPER CONDUCT AND chastening in times of failure. ‘Instruction’ involves teaching, whether by praise, warning, censure, or explanation of principles.” – Kent

IT IS ALSO QUITE POSSIBLE THAT THIS IS A COMMON INSTANCE in Scripture where distinction between the two words is not what is the focus here, but rather emphasis on one subject. However these two nouns are defined, it is probable that they are expressing one concept. This kind of grammatical instance (it’s called hendiadys) is found often in both the Old and New Testaments.

AS WE CLOSE, LET ME SAY I THINK that aside from the basic, profound wisdom contained in these four verses, Ephesians 6:1-4 is a rather obvious passage. I wonder if the thought struck you while reading this. Or maybe I should say that it should be obvious. I think, in spite of some difficulties, it is a relatively easy passage, really just some simple, basic facts we all ought to know

– believers and unbelievers alike. But I also think you’ll agree that it is also exceedingly beautiful and uplifting and reassuring to study as we have this week.

ISN’T IT WONDERFUL THAT WE HAVE THIS GREAT WISDOM AVAILABLE TO US in the Bible? God’s Word is such an incomparable gift to us! Thanks be to God!

THE WORDS IN THESE 4 VERSES TELL US CLEARLY OF GOD’S WAY. The passage may be seen as an expression of His love, as all His commands are. He commands us because He loves us and wants the best for us.

THE COMMON SENSE OF THIS PASSAGE!

THANK YOU, LORD, YOUR TRUTH IS DO ACCESSIBLE TO US!

– Professor Thomas A. Rohm

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