Being Kind

EPHESIANS 4:32

FOR THE PAST MONTH WE HAVE BEEN FOCUSING ON THE FINAL VERSES of chapter 4 in our verse-by-verse study of the great book of Ephesians. These eight verses are for the most part practical exhortations, commands from God giving us instructions on how to live as His children.

I’D LIKE TO BEGIN THIS MORNING BY LOOKING AT THE ENTIRE CONTEXT of v. 32. The context is the surrounding area, the neighborhood in which the verse lives…

^NAS  Ephesians 4:25-31 Therefore, laying aside falsehood, speak truth, each one of you, with his neighbor, for we are members of one another. ²⁶ Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, ²⁷ and do not give the devil an opportunity. ²⁸ Let him who steals steal no longer; but rather let him labor, performing with his own hands what is good, in order that he may have something to share with him who has need. ²⁹ Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, that it may give grace to those who hear. ³⁰ And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. ³¹ Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.

NOW OUR VERSE FOR TODAY, V. 32…

^NAS  Ephesians 4:32 And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.

I’VE TITLED OUR STUDY FOR THIS WEEK, “BEING KIND.” As that title suggests, the blog will focus on kindness, and, due to time and space restrictions, it will not spend as much time on the other key words in the verse: “tender-hearted” and “forgiveness.”

I THINK THAT INSTEAD OF “AND,” beginning v. 32, our English translations should read “but.” The Greek conjunction δέ (day) can be translated either way. But v. 32 is a direct, explicit contrast to vv. 25-31, a summary positive after several specific negatives. I base my opinion on this.

^NAS  Ephesians 4:32 And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.

EVEN THOUGH ALL OUR ENGLISH BIBLES WITHOUT EXCEPTION translate the clause “be kind,” it should be noted, I believe, that the Greek word γίνομαι (ginn-a-my), while correctly may be translated “be,” is a word that really carries more the idea of becoming. With this fact in mind, we might say “Believers are to begin and continue to become kind to one another.” – Hoehner/TAR

“KIND”… WHAT DO YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU HEAR THE WORD “KIND”? I think most people might agree that kind is a word everyone knows, but is at the same time difficult to define. I wonder how many of you have ever seriously pondered how difficult it can be to define words accurately and satisfactorily. If you have ever had to or wanted to work with words you soon discover that often dictionary definitions of words are little more than synonyms that leave you disappointed and confused. Look up “kind” and you get “nice”; look up “nice” and you get “kind.” You have to keep going, keeping looking up the definitions of the shades of meanings of the synonyms and connotations. It’s something like peeling an onion or trying to unravel a tangled rope or cord.

WHEN I ASKED MERRY WHAT SHE THOUGHT OF WHEN SHE HEARD THE WORD kind, she said considerate, selfless. Based on my studies not only this week but over the years, I think those are good attempts. As we begin this discussion, what are your thoughts on “Being Kind”? What do you think kind means?

ONE HELPFUL THING TO KEEP IN MIND IS THAT “KIND” IS AN ADJECTIVE; adjectives describe something or someone. As an adjective, we can say that “Being Kind” describes something about something; it is not the thing itself. A kind man: kind is not the man; kind tells something about the man. Kindness is not us; kindness should be about us.

ATTEMPTING TO DEFINE WORDS IS A MAJOR PART OF WHAT I DO EACH WEEK in my studies and my teaching at the seminary. In order to bring you a blog each week that is an accurate presentation of the passage we are studying from God’s Word, I must tell you what the words in that passage mean. If we don’t accurately understand the words of the passage, how can we pretend to understand the meaning of the passage?

MANY TIMES MY BLOGS ARE IN GREAT PART REALLY WORD STUDIES. This week, this blog, is in great part a word study of the word “kind.” A word study is what it sounds like: a study of a word. You study a word from every angle; you make observations; you categorize those observations; and then you draw conclusions. God has communicated to us mainly in words. In order to understand God’s revelation properly, we must study words. When you read a verse in your Bible, in order to understand it properly, you must understand the words that comprise the verse. Without a proper understanding of the individual component parts –the words – how can you pretend to know the meaning of the verse? You can’t. And I must mention here that a great hindrance to understanding is assumption. We humans have a great capacity for assumption. We can read a verse of Scripture that is made up of a number of words and we can quickly assume we know the meaning. Assumptions can be correct, but they are oftentimes wrong. It is hard to argue that a study of the individual words of a sentence is essential to properly understanding the sentence.

“FOR GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD.” We assume we know what that means. But when we consider each word in that clause we immediately see that comprehension is not so easy. In order to begin to truly comprehend what that statement means we must look at the words themselves. Who is God? What does “loved” mean? Why is it past tense? Note the little word “for” that begins the clause: it connects the clause to what precedes it. So in order to adequately understand “God so loved the world,” we must study the previous verse of the previous passage. “For God so loved the world”: that an intensification of some kind. That little word must be studied and analyzed. And then, “the world.” What world? The Physical world of nature? The world of human beings? The world system of government, business, and culture? Well, you see what I am getting at. We cannot assume; we must take the time to look up the meanings of the words in a dictionary or lexicon (a lexicon is a specialized dictionary); and we must compare the words with their other usages in the Bible. Word studies are necessary. They are challenging, yes, but they are immensely rewarding.

MY ENGLISH DICTIONARY DEFINES KIND AS 1. Of a friendly, generous, or warm-hearted nature. 2 Sympathetic or understanding; charitable. 3. Humane, considerate. 4. Forbearing; tolerant… Other synonyms of kind are caring, thoughtful, benevolent, and nice…

IN ORDER TO PROPERLY STUDY WORDS FROM THE BIBLE, WE MUST BEGIN with the words in the original languages of the Bible…

“KIND” IS THE GREEK WORD χρηστός (kray-stos). BDAG, the leading Greek lexicon in the world today, defines χρηστός (kray-stos) to generally mean useful or beneficial: 1. pert. to that which causes no discomfort, easy…

^NAS  Matthew 11:30 “For My yoke is easy, and My load is light.”

2. 2. to meeting a relatively high standard of value, fine…

^NAS  Luke 5:39 “And no one, after drinking old wine wishes for new; for he says, ‘The old is good enough.'”

3. 3. to being morally good and benevolent… “This meaning is in keeping w. the Israelite and Hellenic ideal of morality as exhibition of usefulness within the socio-political structure”…

1. reputable…

^NAS  1 Corinthians 15:33 Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good morals.”

1. kind, loving, benevolent… This is most probably its meaning in Ephesians 4:32…

GENERALLY SPEAKING, THE BASIC MEANING OF χρηστός (kray-stos) is that which is useful, profitable, useful for what is needed… But when you seriously study this word you find it is not as easy as that…

SO SOMETHING IMPORTANT ABOUT KINDNESS IS THAT IT IS USEFUL OR beneficial toward others. I’ll speak more to this key point in a moment…

χρηστός (kray-stos) IS FOUND IN 1 PETER 2:3 AS AN QUALITY OF CHRIST.  Here are 3 different translations of 1 Peter 2:3 to give you an idea of the slightly different dimensions permissible in the definition of the word…

^NAS  1 Peter 2:3 if you have tasted the kindness of the Lord.

^NKJ  1 Peter 2:3 if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is gracious.

^ESV  1 Peter 2:3 if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is good.

THE NOUN χρηστός (kray-stos) COMES FROM THE VERB χράομαι (kra-a-my)… χράομαι (kra-a-my) means literally useful. Look at 1 Corinthians 7:21…

^NKJ  1 Corinthians 7:21 Were you called while a slave? Do not be concerned about it; but if you can be made free, rather use it.

DICTIONARY.COM DEFINES “KIND” THIS WAY – kind – adjective, -er, -est. 1. of a good or benevolent nature or disposition, as a person: a kind and loving person. 2. having, showing, or proceeding from benevolence: kind words. 3. indulgent, considerate, or helpful; humane (often followed by to ): to be kind to animals. 4. mild; gentle; clement: kind weather.

WHATEVER “KIND” IS, I BELIEVE WE CAN AGREE THAT IT IS GOOD, that it is a winning quality, characteristic, disposition, or attribute that is attractive and beneficial – useful, and that invites a favorable reaction from others.

WHAT ABOUT “NICE”? What’s the difference in kind and nice? Merry and I place a big emphasis in our ministries and in our lives, our interactions with other people, on being nice. We would probably define nice as polite, pleasant, considerateness; whereas we would probably say kind is a deeper word, more from the heart, more consistent, if I could put it that way.

BUT IT’S DIFFICULT TO MAKE A DISTINCTION BETWEEN “NICE” AND “KIND.” They are essentially synonyms of one another: kind is nice, and nice is kind.

“ACCORDING TO BOOK TWO OF ARISTOTLE’S RHETORIC, “KIND” IS an emotion, which is defined as being ‘helpfulness towards someone in need, not in return for anything, nor for the advantage of the helper himself, but for that of the person helped.” – Internet

I ONCE READ OR HEARD SOMEONE SAY THAT KINDNESS IS LOVE IN ACTION. If that is true – or at least hovering around the truth – that implies that kindness involves interaction with others. Just as sins of the tongue invariably involve others, it is logical that in the contrast of v. 32 that kindness also involves others. With this in mind, look again at Ephesians 4:32…

^NAS  Ephesians 4:32 And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.

I BELIEVE A PROMINENT OBSERVATION THAT CAN BE MADE FROM A STUDY OF not only the word “kind” but of most all of the personal words of Scripture like love, faith, grace, forgiveness, and negative terms as well like hate, lying, anger, is that these words invariably involve others… When you think through such a study you see that these words really have no meaning on their own; they all require other people. That may even be the most prominent observation I made in my week-long study…

“BE KIND TO ONE ANOTHER… FORGIVING EACH ANOTHER.” If “kind” can be defined as the attribute or quality of love demonstrated in practical actions, these practical actions invariably involve interaction with other people.

THE GREEK CONSTRUCTION HERE, “TO ONE ANOTHER” (εἰς [ice] with the accusative ἀλλήλους [a-lay-lous] is similar to a dative and) sets forth the disposition or attitude of mind to become kind to one another (from Hoehner) and with the present tense of the verb in mind indicates continuous becoming kind to one another.

IN SUMMARY, “BEING KIND” IS A DISPOSITION OR ATTITUDE OF MIND.

YOU MIGHT REMEMBER THAT COMMERICAL ON TV WHERE there is a series of connected events that is played out in which people are being kind to one another? In one scene, someone watches someone being nice to somebody, and then in the following scene that person who watched the act of kindness is shown being kind to someone else, and then that person is next shown being nice to another person. It’s a good commercial. It’s nice. But there is, in my opinion, a typically fatal flaw to the “nice” things the world does apart from Christ. The flaw: the world believes it can be “nice” consistently and permanently apart from Christ. Again, it takes work to be kind, and it’s not easy being forgiving. We cannot do these things apart from Christ, not really.

IT TAKES WORK TO BE KIND, AND IT’S NOT EASY BEING FORGIVING. “The attitude of ‘Being Kind’ does not come naturally nor is it an ability which can be self-produced. According to Galatians 5:22 it is the fruit of the Spirit.” – Hoehner

^NAS  Galatians 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,

IT IS ONLY THROUGH THE TRANSFORMING AND ENABLING POWER OF the Holy Spirit that one can truly and consistently be kind and forgiving.

IT IS REALLY GOD AND NOT WE OURSELVES WHO IS RESPONSIBLE for our “Being Kind.” Like the grape cannot be said to produce itself but is the outgrowth of the branch, so our kindness is not produced by ourselves but is the outgrowth of its source, which is God.

BECAUSE GOD IS THE SOURCE, OUR KINDNESS – IF IT IS TO BE considered genuine – should be unconditional, that is, it should not be dependent on the circumstance or the disposition of the other person. Listen please to this great verse from Luke…

^NAS  Luke 6:35 “But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men.

WE ARE NOT TO BE KIND JUST WHEN IT SUITS US, BUT ALL THE TIME. Ravi Zacharias said, “There is never a reason to be unkind.” We should always be kind not only because it reflects Christ to others, but because everyone we meet is fighting some kind of battle and in need of kindness.

ONE WRITER I READ SAID THAT “KIND ENCOMPASSES THAT WHICH IS fitting or appropriate to a situation, such as a glove that fits well on the hand.” – Hoehner… That’s true, is it not? Kindness or niceness is like that: it feels right and it’s useful for the moment.

KINDNESS IS BOTH AN ACT AND AN ATTITUDE. So many words that describe biblical qualities are like that, like faith. Let me give you another use of the word “attitude.” I can’t remember exactly when I first heard this, let’s say about 25 years or so ago. But I remember being shocked when I found out that our culture here in America, fueled and directed by our godless, often irrational media, was not only going to suddenly condone smart aleckness and rudeness but, incredulously, was going to celebrate these things by complimentarily calling them “attitude.” “Attitude” was suddenly the new word that drove advertising campaigns for any number of items from clothing to cars. When analyzed, attitude is an expression of ego, of selfishness. Attitude denies civility, courtesy, and respect. Attitude is not only a direct reflection of worldliness, but the lowest level of worldliness, being totally self-absorbed and unconcerned with the sensibilities of others. Amazingly, people were directly and subtly encouraged by the media to be selfish and obnoxious. It was not only now OK to act like an insufferable rock star, but it was encouraged and applauded. “Attitude” was cool. “Attitude” today is still considered cool.

“ATTITUDE” TODAY IS ALSO COINCIDENTALLY MEAN, AND MEAN IS THE opposite of kind. When one is mean or uncaring or unpleasant, one is unkind. Considering antonyms is another good way to define words: studying the opposite meanings of the word, what it is not. We could say kind is not mean; kind is not uncaring or unpleasant. I know that there is a good chance not all agree with these opinions…

YOU HAVE TO GIVE IT TO THE MEDIA PERSON OR GROUP THAT CAME UP WITH “attitude.” If there ever was a single word that accurately defined the self-centeredness of our present day culture, a good candidate would be “attitude.” If there ever was a word that Christians should avoid claiming as theirs, it would be “attitude,” as defined by our culture today, even though kind may be properly labeled an attitude.

MAYBE KINDNESS IS BEST SEEN AS ONE OF THOSE ATTITUDES, OR traits, or characteristics, or disciplines that, while hard to define, is nevertheless instantly and accurately realized when witnessed in others.

“BEING KIND” IS AN ATTITUDE OF MIND, THAT IS WORKED OUT IN ACTION, and, with the context of vv. 25-32 in mind, this attitude and action is most often expressed in speech…

^NKJ  Ephesians 4:1 I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called,

A BIG PART OF “WALKING WORTHY” IS “BEING KIND.”

THIS IS WHAT I DO WHEN I STUDY WORDS: I CONSIDER THE WORD FROM ALL angles. In order to properly study words, I think you have to do this. Rather than simply saying kind means nice, and letting it go at that, you have to really get into the word and work with it in a number of different ways, and then, hopefully, the word begins to open up to you.

THAT’S MY TAKE ON “KIND.” I think it is one of those expansive words like love and faith that is done injustice when it defined by one word. Instead of one word, even an excellent, appropriate word like nice, adequately defining and explaining kind, a number of words is needed to satisfactorily give its meaning.

I THINK A GOOD ILLUSTRATION OF MY OPINION IS SOMETHING I ASKED MERRY to do for me this week. I asked her to ask the people she works with at her office, including the two world-class orthodontists, what one word they would choose to explain the word “kind.” Only word one; just as I asked you at the beginning of this message, what is the one word you think of when you hear the word “kind”? She asked 11 people. Here are their responses: compassionate, considerate (2 people), benevolent, nice, pleasant, thoughtful, caring, understanding, selfless, and good-hearted. Kind is all of these definitions.

“KIND” IS ONLY A FOUR-LETTER WORD, BUT IT IS A BIG WORD, encompassing a wide range of connotations to be adequately explained.

RALPH STEADMAN, A CHRISTIAN PASTOR AND WRITER I HAVE OFTEN QUOTED in our long study of Ephesians, said that v. 32 of chapter 4 of Ephesians is “the essence of Christianity. This verse describes the very nature of the Holy Spirit within us. The more we give ourselves over to the control of the Spirit, the more kind, compassionate, and forgiving we become; the more Christian – that is, the more Christlike – we become.”

WHEN YOU DIAGRAM V. 32 FROM THE GREEK TEXT you quickly see that the command is not just to be kind, it is also to be “tender-hearted”…

^NAS  Ephesians 4:32 And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.

“TENDER-HEARTED” IS THE GREEK WORD εὔσπλαγχνος (eu-splagx-nos), which literally means to have tender feelings for another person, It means compassionate. “Compassionate” means to demonstrate feelings of sympathy for the suffering of others, often with the desire to help. Sympathetic is another synonym for kind.

THE GREEK WORD FOR “TENDER-HEARTED” “REFLECTS A FEELING DEEP in the bowels, or stomach, a gnawing psychosomatic pain due to empathy for someone’s need.” – MacArthur… When we sincerely say things like “it breaks my heart to see her in such pain,” or, “my heart goes out to the victims of crash,” we are expressing compassion; we are being “tender-hearted.”

AND TO BE CONSISTENTLY KIND AND TENDER-HEARTED, YOU ALSO HAVE TO BE forgiving…

^NAS  Ephesians 4:32 And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.

NOTE AGAIN THE INCLUSION OF THE PHRASE “EACH OTHER.”

FORGIVING” IS A PARTICIPLE THAT DESCRIBES HOW WE ARE TO BECOME KIND and tender-hearted. It’s a present tense participle, which strongly suggests that the forgiving is to be going on now continuously.

“FORGIVE” IS THE GREEK WORD χαρίζομαι (ka-reed-za-my) 1. to give freely as a favor, give graciously (a common term in honorific documents lauding officials and civic-minded pers. for their beneficence. 2. to cancel a sum of money that is owed, cancel. 3. to show oneself gracious by forgiving wrongdoing, forgive, pardon.

IT’S A LOT EASIER WORD TO DEFINE THAN “KIND.”

AND HOW ARE WE TO FORGIVE?  JUST AS CHRIST FORGAVE US – unconditionally. As God’s children, “we should exhibit the nature of our Father.” – Kent

“GOD HAS FORGIVEN EVERYTHING YOU EVER DID against Him, and He will never remind you of it again, and never remember it Himself. We may remember, but God won’t. That is what our forgiveness is to be like. That is how our Christianity is made manifest to the world.” – Steadman

^NAS  Ephesians 4:32 And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.

THE MAN OR WOMAN WHO CANNOT FORGIVE OTHERS destroys the bridge over which he himself or she herself must pass (Matt 6:14-15; 18:23-35).

“THE DEGREE TO WHICH YOU UNDERSTAND YOUR NEED FOR FORGIVENESS is the measure of how well you understand the gospel.” – Allister Begg

FORGIVENESS MUST BEGIN WITH ME, with my own honest self-examination. How can I humble myself in this situation before proceeding? Where are my mistakes I have overlooked? How can I best reflect Christ in this situation?

I MUST STOP…

ALL THIS AND MORE IN THIS ONE VERSE! The ending verses of chapter 4, vv. 25-32, give us clear and convicting practical applications by which to order our lives, lives that are to be lived in submission to the power of the Holy Spirit who indwells us and enables us to do these important, fundamental things.

DON’T LIE – SPEAK TRUTH – DO NOT SIN WHEN YOU GET ANGRY – don’t steal – work what is good – give to the needy – guard your speech – do not grieve the Holy Spirit – do not be bitter, wrathful, clamorous, malicious or indulge in evil speaking – but be kind, tender-hearted, and forgiving.

THAT’S OUR JOB DESCRIPTION, OUR MARCHING ORDERS, OUR INSTRUCTIONS on how to “Walk Worthy.”

TO GOD BE THE GLORY! Great things He has done is daily doing in us!

– Professor Thomas A. Rohm